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How to Identify Your Perfect Mate

Written By Andi Setiapermana on Sunday, September 30, 2012 | 10:36 PM

How to Identify Your Perfect Mate
Believe it or not, finding your perfect mate is completely possible. But if you don't believe this, stop reading here, because the most important principle for success in anything is "What you believe you can achieve."
Here are the precise five steps you can take to find your perfect mate:

Step One: Allow yourself to be single
Sounds paradoxical, but if you want to find your perfect mate you must not be involved with people that aren't a good fit for you. Staying available (and single) can be hard, but necessary for finding the love of your life. Let your motto be "'I'd rather be single than settle!"
This is the most important relationship and journey of your life. Finding your perfect mate requires developing yourself and your life so that you're ready to attract and keep the love of your life. Be proactive and go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just "happen." Now, go for it!

Step Two: Get ready
Wanting a relationship is not the same as being ready for one. Handle any unfinished business that might sabotage your future relationship- legal, financial, emotional baggage, kid issues, problems with your former partners, school or job demands, etc. It would be a tragedy to finally find your soul mate, only to have the relationship bomb because you weren't ready.
How to Identify Your Perfect Mate

Step Three: Identify your top deal-breakers
You have non-negotiable relationship deal-breakers. What are they? Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn't meet all of them.

Step Four: Find your perfect mate by following these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

  • Scouting (find compatible people to meet; on the internet, through friends, etc) 
  • Sorting (assess chemistry and quickly determine if someone you meet has potential) 
  • Screening (collect enough data to identify any possible relationship deal-breakers) 
  • Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the data) Implement these four steps as long as it takes to find your perfect mate (don't worry, it will happen faster than you think).

Step Five: Get support
Don't do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating. Get a coach and lean on your friends and family for support to stay on track.

David Steele, MA. LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking book for singles- Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

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T-ara and Kara Sorry for Being Bullies

Written By Andi Setiapermana on Saturday, September 8, 2012 | 1:42 AM

T-ara and Kara Sorry for Being Bullies
K-pop girl group T-ara has issued an apology to fans over accusations that they bullied one of their own and ultimately sacked her from the act, a move that caused thousands of fans to revolt, leading to a massive drop in their fan club number and the cancellation of their concert.

Ryu Hwayoung, 19, was fired from group on 30th July after their management said she had been rude to staff, and skipped rehearsals on the pretence of being ill but instead went shopping. The controversy spiralled out of control when fans fought back claiming the remaining seven girls were the problem.

In an ironic twist after Hwayoung's departure, original T-ara member Eunjung was forced to quit her role in the TV drama Five Fingers. And the group's August concert in Seoul was called off after thousands of fans decided to return their tickets in a show of support for Hwayoung.

T-ara finally addressed the termination and backlash for the first time on Wednesday through their official website. A handwritten note posted on the homepage read:

"We write this letter after much deliberation. This past month has felt longer than the time it took us to debut. We admit that we were immature and unable to resolve the differences within the group, and we let it out publicly. We deeply apologise for acting without much consideration." 

"If we had understood each other, shared and acted more maturely, none of this would have happened. Looking back, we overcame all hardships together and worked hard towards the same dream, and it breaks our hearts to think that these good memories were buried by our quick judgment."

The girls also left a message for Hwayoung: "She must have gone through a hard time being misunderstood as the outcast. We hope that she no longer has to face this pain again."

The letter ends with the group saying that they've learned their lesson and now realise they have to be more responsible as public figures. They also asked for forgiveness from their parents and the fans who they've let down.

They did not, however, offer Hwayoung her old job back. That gig has gone to new member Dani, who will be introduced at their next concert date in December.

Meanwhile, another K-pop act Kara has been forced to say sorry after photos of their vans occupying two handicapped parking bays popped up on the Internet. Apparently everyone in the vans, including the band members, ignored complaints from the public and refused to drive away.

Following the uproar, the girl group's agency DSP Media issued this statement:

"After investigation, we found out that the two vehicles Kara members and their staff were travelling on stopped by the Jung-an rest area in Gongju and parked in the handicapped spot for about 15 minutes on 25th August. We would like to humbly apologise to those who were discomforted by this. We will make sure that such incidents will not happen again."

 (Source: )

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MOVIE TRAILER : TEST PACK - You Are My Baby (2012)

MOVIE TRAILER : TEST PACK - You Are My Baby (2012)
Rahmat (Reza Rahadian) and Tata (Acha Septriasa) are middle-class couples. Rahmat, a psychologist and Tata worked at an advertising company. They've been married for seven years but still have no children. Tata desire to have a child, greater than Rahmat as Rahmat thought that they were both are enough.Tata feel the presence of a child is mandatory.

Shinta (Renata Kusmanto) a famous world super model from Indonesia. Reputation, image and professionalism are very high. Not many know that Shinta recently divorced from her husband, Heru (Dwi Sasono) because Shinta is diagnosed can not give children. Heartbreak and loneliness, Shinta tried to hold it with a flurry of modeling and a new home. At the same time she remembered the previous ex-boyfriend left behind, Rahmat.
Renata Kusmanto

Rahmat and Tata went to the doctor Peni (Oon Project Pop). Tata began unstable due to the injection of fertility hormone. Dr Peni just realized that there is one step invitro procedure that is not intentionally overlooked, Rahmat sperm fertility tests, and found results that Rahmat infertile. 

Rahmat hide the results of the test from Tata. Rahmat, who broke his heart due to can not makes his wife happy, confused to find a friend who can share this secret. Shinta have same problem with Rahmat. Rahmat told to Shinta. Tata found the secret of Rahmat infertility.

Though angry, Tata still confused about how she should behave. Tata getting out of hand when she found that Rahmat spent time with Shinta. Rahmat said that his lack may not be able to feel by Tata. 

Tata decided to divorce and received a job offer from abroad. Shinta see Rahmat devastated, trying to get into the life of Rahmat. Shinta tried to convince Rahmat that they were a perfect match because they have the same fate. Rahmat that slowly began to enter into Shinta's life , was still wavering between accepting his destiny as an infertile man by surrender or pursuing Tata. 

Rahmat finally decided to pursue Tata. FromTata's friend, Rahmat knows that Tata was on his way to the airport. Rahmat catch up to the airport and found that the plane had left. Rahmat heart was crushed.

TEST PACK - You Are My Baby
Genre: Drama/Comedy
Writer: Adhitya Mulya, Ninit Yunita
Producer: Chand Parwez Servia, Fiaz Servia
Director: Monty Tiwa Production
Co: PT. Kharisma Starvision Plus
Cast: Reza Rahadian, Acha Septriasa, Renata Kusmanto, Meriam Bellina, Jaja Mihardja, Oon Project Pop, Uli Herdinansyah
Release Date: September 6, 2012

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What Is Commitment in Relationships?

Written By Andi Setiapermana on Wednesday, April 25, 2012 | 9:09 PM

What Is Commitment in Relationships?
The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents.
In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships.
I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he "cheated."
We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships, and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a "commitment" to each other.
OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within the relationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right?
In our conversation, it occurred to me to make a distinction between a "Commitment" vs. a "Promise." They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things.
When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the "commitment vs. promise" distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment.
Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms:
PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a specific act.
- I promise to pick up your dry cleaning and not forget this time - I promise to be exclusive in our relationship
COMMITMENT: Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs.
- I am committed to keeping my promises - I am committed to our relationship
In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual.
A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related.
Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation.
The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today's relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term "pre-commitment" to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- "What is commitment?"
When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE.
I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in "committed relationships." They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.
1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed
2. You are wondering if this relationship is committed
3. You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship
4. Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship
5. You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way
6. You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept
A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it.
And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.
Commitment is not a light switch that goes from "off" to "on." When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases.
Then you have all the shades of gray. living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really?
Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.
It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me").
It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").
In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship.
In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor.
Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories-
UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.
CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.
So, when is a relationship committed?
-- When there is an alignment of fact and attitude.
What creates the "fact" of commitment?
I propose these three criterion:
CRITERIA #1: Promises made to each other about the permanent nature of the relationship that are kept
CRITERIA #2: Explicit, formal, public declaration
CRITERIA #3: Unambiguous to partners and others
In today's world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.
I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices.
Copyright 2006 David Steele
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Cannabis Use Doubles Chances of Vehicle Crash

Written By Andi Setiapermana on Saturday, February 11, 2012 | 7:42 PM

Drivers who consume cannabis within three
hours of driving are nearly twice as likely to cause a
vehicle collision as those who are not under the influence
of drugs or alcohol. (Credit: © dalaprod / Fotolia)
ScienceDaily (Feb. 10) — Drivers who consume cannabis within three hours of driving are nearly twice as likely to cause a vehicle collision as those who are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol claims a paper published recently on the British Medical Journal website.

The paper's authors, from Dalhousie University, reviewed nine studies with a total sample of 49,411 people to determine whether the consumption of cannabis increases the risk of a motor vehicle collision.
This is the first review to look at various observational studies concerned with the risk of vehicle collision after the consumption of cannabis. Previous studies have failed to separate the effects of alcohol and other substances from the use of cannabis, resulting in a lack of agreement.

Cannabis is the most widely used illicit substance globally and recent statistics have shown a significant increase in use across the world. Rates of driving under influence have also increased. A roadside survey carried out in Scotland in 2007 showed that out of 537 drivers tested, 15% aged 17-39 admitted to having consumed cannabis within 12 hours of driving.
All motor vehicle collisions involved in the study took place on a public road and involved one or more moving vehicles such as cars, vans, sports utility vehicles, trucks, buses and motorcycles. Results were taken through blood samples or direct self-report.

Results show that if cannabis is consumed before driving a motor vehicle, the risk of collision is nearly doubled. Previous results have also found that there is also a substantially higher chance of collision if the driver is aged 35 or younger.

In conclusion, the authors suggest that the consumption of cannabis impairs motor tasks important to safe driving, increasing the chance of collisions and that future reviews should assess less severe collisions from a general driving population.

The author of an accompanying editorial, from the University of Queensland Centre for Clinical Research, questions the benefits of roadside drug testing on public health. He argues that further evidence of this is required so that countries already carrying out drug testing can help to inform those countries that have yet to introduce it.

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Alif (Gazza Zubizareta) is a simple boy who has just graduated from high school in Maninjau. Together with his friend Randai (Sakurta Ginting), Alif want to continue high school in the city and then go to the his college dream, ITB.

But dream is a dream when his mother (Lulu Tobing) want Alif to get school at Pondok Madani, a boarding school at the corner of Ponorogo, East Java. Although at first time he did not want to, but Alif finally follow what his parents want.

When Alif arrive at pondok Madani with his father (David Chalik), the more his heart broken. The place is really more 'tacky' and similar to prisons in his eyes. Coupled with the necessity backward classes a year for adaptation. Alif steeled himself to try to study at least the first year in this Pondok Madani.

Initially, Alif more often alone. However, over time, Alif start having friends with his room mates, namely Baso (Billy Sandy) from Gowa, Atang (Rizky Ramdani) from Bandung, Said (Ernest Samudra) from Surabaya, Raja (Jiofani Lubis) from Medan, and Dulmajid (Aris Putra) from Madura. They always gather at mosque minarets and called themselves Sahibul Minarets, aka the owners of the minarets.

The atmosphere is become warmer in the first grade, when Alif were surprised by shouts excitedly from Ustad Salman (Donny Alamsyah): Man Jadda Wajada! That is, Who earnest would succeed. This "Mantra" is the one who adds to the spirit and tenacity of the sixth child.

The sahibul minarets always has visionary thought and dream big. They each have the ambition to conquer the world. From the land of Indonesia, America, Europe, Asia to Africa. Under the Madani Minarets, they pledged and determined to conquer the world and achieve goals; And a great man who could be useful for many people.

Genre: Drama
Writer: Salman Aristo
Producer: Aoura Lovenson Chandra,Dinna Jasanti,Salma Aristo
Director: Affandi Abdul Rachman
Production Co: KG Production and Million Pictures
Cast: Donny Alamsyah, Lulu Tobing, Ikang Fawzi, David Chalik, Andhika Pratama
Release Date: March 01, 2012

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